On Spiritual Direction
In doing spiritual direction, I have tried my best to employ some of the things I have learned from my previous and ongoing training. However, being over-familiar with the process led to my own blindness, resulting in the tendency to set aside the proper way of doing spiritual direction. Like a little child, there is always this moment of purgation, emptying myself from my automatic tendencies of doing spiritual direction motivated by over-familiarity.
I have learned to simply make myself present and acknowledge the reality that in the midst of us, myself and the directee, is the indwelling presence of God. Alan D. Welfelth highlighted that companioning is ‘walking alongside:’ a one-with-one journey. It means that I should not take any initiative to lead the way, prepare the pathway, or be at the forefront; instead, I just allow the directee to discover the presence of God, who faithfully walks with him. The discovery of God in the life of man takes time and process. It requires silence, prayer, noticing, constant discernment, and contemplation. Like some spiritual directors, I am sometimes tempted to shorten the process and push the directee to embrace a fast-paced journey. The mentality of “rescuing the person from darkness” and immediately discovering God seems inevitable. However, holding one’s compulsion is necessary because the Spirit has his own way and moment to put things in place in the directee’s life.
In this sacred ministry, a spiritual director needs to be sensitive to the presence of God, both in his personal life and the lives of those he accompanies. Acknowledging the presence of God reminds me that in this holy relationship, God is the focal point, revealed in the here and now of the directee. Being totally and wholeheartedly present and embracing the vulnerability of the directee taught me to listen well, not just with my physical ears but with the ‘ears of my heart.’ Thus, I found myself with less words to utter, less intervention, and less unnecessary movements because it is not about me, it is about God at work in the life of the person next to me.
Listening to the person’s most sacred story also requires the capacity to honor the Spirit. The spiritual director not only pays attention to the directee’s words but also becomes fully present in the Spirit of God at work in the same person’s life. In this accompaniment, the spiritual director is not required to find solutions to the problems nor allowed to give suggestions. Alan Jones, a seasoned spiritual director, says, “Companionship is for the hatching of our hearts, for the bringing home of our shattered and fragmented selves for the making of a heart at home with God.”
The spiritual director can only recognize the condition of his directee’s heart if he can listen with the heart and knows how to honor the spirit. To make himself effective, he must cultivate the attraction to prayer, silence, compassionate curiosity, and regular personal spiritual direction. A spiritual guide, no matter how busy and sought, yet not having a spiritual director, has a great propensity to develop a sense of personal “pride.” As we make ourselves available to accompany others, someone must also walk with us to guide, discern, and make us recognize where God is leading us in our personal here and now.
The practice of discernment also helped me to pay attention to my thoughts, emotions, and tendencies that, in one way or another, affect my way of doing spiritual direction. These past weeks, I have noticed that I became easily irritated, frustrated, and disappointed in some of my directees, especially if they don’t see or have failed to figure out what I wanted them to recognize. Unfortunately, there were moments when I pushed and forced them to recognize the things I believed they were not yet ready and disposed to embrace.
Moreover, it dawned on me that I had tried to satisfy myself, giving in to my desires and forgetting to walk and meet my directee in his here and now. In fact, it clearly indicates that I have gradually put myself at the center, pushing God away to the corner.
Companioning others in the context of spiritual direction is not only about listening and praying with the person. More than anything else, it invites every spiritual director to establish an intimate relationship with God in his personal life. As we are all vulnerable, broken, and shattered individuals, we don’t see ourselves as better than the person we accompany. Instead, our personal encounter with God in our own brokenness makes us available to walk, listen, understand, pray, and provide acceptance and compassion to every person God sent us. There is nothing to be proud of about myself as a spiritual director. I am just humbled and beyond grateful to God for allowing me to step on the holy ground of every person I meet and to see how lovingly God makes himself visible in the life of his beloved.
- Fr. Rogie Quinga, RCJ, resides at the Oasis of Prayer in Silang, Cavite. Aside from managing the Enterprises of the St. Matthew Province, he also spends his time helping priests, religious, and those in formation in their psycho-spiritual journey.